I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh god it's open bar.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize