I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
