I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
