Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Congratulations! We have a period
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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