please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
