is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
