New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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