thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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