You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
