I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
