im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
