overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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