and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
