This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
