So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
