I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
