need another drink. this is the easiest way
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
