I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
