just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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