Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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