maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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