did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
