I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
