I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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