Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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