oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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