So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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