This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
