I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
