We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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