D3 body, D1 cock
Plan B is the new Plan A
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Be still, my beating vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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