Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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