So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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