quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
