ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
