The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
