started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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