Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
