She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
