Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
