so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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