Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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