Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
