It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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