george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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