You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
