Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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