There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
