There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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