Can Purell be used as lube?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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