Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
