Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
