the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
