i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
