If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize