I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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