kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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