He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
