I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
