how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
