Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
