You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
