I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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