Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please come you make the beer taste better
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
