he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
