You smell like a Billy Joel song
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
