wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
