Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize